Micah Zarin's Blog

dear mom(guess what)

your boy has gone and joined

the grandest little show on earth

& boy oh boy

you should see the uniforms

(they fit like democracy)

ladies and gentlemen tonight

            we bring you LIVE

from the beautiful strait of hormuz

                        nothing

absolutely nothing is getting through

& isn’t that just swell

tune in at eleven for the school

that nobody bombed

            (brought to you by

            tomahawk™

            america’s favorite

            way to say

                        we didn’t know about it)

mom i

kicked

      a

        door

            in

today & behind it was breakfast

(the eggs were still warm

isn’t that something)

&now a word from our sponsors

tired of freedom?try

            EPIC FURY

the all new all american

way to rearrange

a country you can’t find

on a map(now available

in surgical

            &

               precision

                          &

                             oops)

we’ll be right back after these

raids

i mean

messages

good evening america this is your boy

reporting live from a van

in minneapolis where the temperature

is twelve degrees & the nurses

are                         not

            breathing

anymore(but first

                  the weather)

mom they

gave

      me

            a

                  medal

&it is shaped exactly like

a door i shouldn’t have opened

(applause)

&now folks

            put your hands together

for the tallest wall

the biggest van

the greatest

            most

                  beautiful

                              removal

of people from the place

where their waffles are getting cold

this program has been brought to you

by the department of

            we

                  don’t

                        know

                              about

                                    it

&by viewers like you(

who changed the channel

just in time)

don’t wait up

      mom

i’ll be home

by christmas or by

tribunal

            whichever

                  comes

                        first

your son

      (the good one)

      (the one with the boots)

      (the one you don’t

                  recognize

                              on the news)

                                    goodnight&

                                    god

                                    bless